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Title: Banters Author: Foxfeather E-mail: alwest@cityweb.de Summary: Some unknown
entity decides that Cyclops has to learn a bit more about a certain Cajun. Rating: PG17 for
implications on rape and child abuse. Contains slash themes. Notes: First: please
excuse my English, my mother-tongue’s German. Second: I never heard a
Cajun accent, so I tried to get along with what I know from reading other
fanfics. And third: Please read
and review! |
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Chapter 1 Grumpily, Scott Summers
took another sip of his drink. Next to him, propping their elbows on one of
the well-worn tables of Harry’s bar, Bobby and Logan were busy watching some
kind of baseball match that flickered on the screen of the TV above the
bar. And at the bar itself… How the hell did that kid
do it? Two women, one brunette, one peroxide blonde, where flirting
with the Cajun. And Gambit seemed to visibly enjoy it. Scott knew nobody else
with so much “luck” with women as Gambit. Okay, concerning the big love of
his life he seemed to be worsted, but concerning this flirtations… There seemed to be no
night in which Gambit wouldn’t be able to drag some woman off, if he wanted
to. “Charm power” he called these flirtations, but Scott was pretty sure that
the Cajun was playing games with the emotions of these women, that he was
getting them to do something they wouldn’t do of their own accord. There, now this...
bastard dared to place his hand on the brunette’s bottom. Scott started to
fume. What did this lanky rascal think of it? He had to stop this and pronto! Gambit was absorbed in
his conversation with the two women and he was brooding over the realization
that the brunette was wearing either a g-string or nothing beneath her tight
jeans when a hand grabbed him roughly at the elbow and turned him around. Scott hissed something
like „We. Talk. Outside. NOW!“ before he dragged the perplexed Cajun along to
the exit. „Uhm, I be right back,
cherie!“ he managed to whisper to the brunette, then the cold night air hit
him in the face. „Whassat, Summers? Don’t
ya see dat I’m busy?“ he snapped at the leader of the X-Men. „Yes, I saw it, and
that’s exactly what this is about!“ Gambit sensed that Scott
was nearly bursting with rage. “What did you think of
it? Those women where possibly just wanting to have a nice evening and now
you try to give them the come-on!” Slowly Gambit started to
get annoyed. „First: Dat’s none of
your business! And second: T’ wasn’t me starting t’ flirt. Just in case ya
didn’t notice, the brunette bought _me_ a drink.” „And you have nothing
better to do than to take advantage of it! Your charm power has had nothing
to do with her invitation, or has it?” „Jealous? Now Jean’s not
at home ya could loosen the reigns, but nobody wants t’ flirt with ya?” The next thing Gambit saw
was the asphalt of the parking lot. Scott rubbed his
knuckles. „Never say something like that again, hear me?” With a lopsided grin
Gambit rubbed his jaw. „Okay“, he relented, “I
will not mention Jean. But ya _are_ jealous!” Scott growled at him and
grabbed Gambit’s collar. Something like an
electric shock hit him, then everything went dark. *~*~* Inside the bar Bobby
Drake looked somewhat diverted out of the window. „Uh, if I didn’t knew
Storm to be away with Jean and the others, I would say there was a flash of
lightning.” Logan set down his beer
and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. „Thunderstorms can happen
without Storm’s help, ya know? And now shut up. You are a nuisance!” With a shrug of his
shoulders Bobby turned back to his beer and the baseball game. *~*~* With a groan, Scott came
back to his senses. Strange, how hard and cold his bed felt today. He himself
felt strange, too. Stop. No bed. Asphalt. Now it all came back to him. That
damned Cajun must’ve had charged him. That was it. But… since when was Gambit
able to charge living objects? Scott sat up and rubbed
his head. Something was different than normal. Visor okay? Check. The usual
headache? Check. Power control? Check. The usual pain in the eyes? Check...
Stop. Uncheck. His eyes felt… normal. Make that not normal, since they
usually felt like popping right out of their sockets most of the time. But
now? Nothing. Odd. Next to him Gambit stirred. Why had he been
unconscious, too? If he had been charging him, he had to stand aside,
laughing his head off about his latest trick. Scott shook his head in
frustration. Something _was_ wrong here! Gambit had managed to
work his way up on hands and knees. He held his head in one hand and groaned.
Then the ground beneath him exploded in red light and threw him a few meters
through the air. Pressed down by the
shockwave Scott acted purely on instinct. „Keep your eyes shut! I’m
coming!” Red light, explosion,
that were his powers, that was something he could handle. Gambit needed a
visor. Scott had a second one in his pocket, just in case something happened
to the original. He stumbled over to the again half unconscious Gambit and
pressed the visor over his eyes. „Now you can open them
again.“ The quartz glass of the
visor started to glow softly in a dark red light. Gambit touched the visor
suspiciously, then looked cautiously at Scott. „What happened?“ „You have my powers...“ Now, as he spoke it out
loud Scott became aware of the fact that Gambit had his, Scott’s, powers. How
was that possible? And, more importantly, had he himself no problems with his
eyes because his power was gone? „Gambit?“ The Cajun sat on the cold
ground and stared at him. Or rather, Scott thought he did, for he couldn’t
read the expression of Gambit’s eyes through the visor. „Your powers?!? Merde!“ Cautiously he lifted a
pebble from the ground and looked at it in concentration. „Uhm, Cyke?“ „Yes?“ „Take dis pebble.“ „And now?“ „Charge it.“ „I can’t... Shit!“ The
pebble had started to glow in his hand. „Looks like we’ve
had our powers changed, neh?“ „Uhm, Remy?“ „Yep?“ „What do I do with it?“ „Wid what?“ „With the pebble! It
becomes hot!” „De-charge it.“ „How?“ „Uhm, how?“ „Gambit!!!“ „I don’ know ´ow! I just…
do it, take de power back!” „It doesn’t work!“ „Den t’row it!“ Scott whirled around and
threw the stone away as far as he could. With a thunderous boom
and a fountain of earth it exploded in someone’s garden when it hit the
ground. „Wow. And that was only a
pebble!“ Scott was impressed. When he turned back,
Gambit was still sitting with his legs drawn up to his body on the ground and
rubbed his head again. Scott could stop him just in time from putting down
the visor and rubbing his eyes. „Stop that, Cajun, you’ll
just burn your fingers.“ „Is dis headache normal?“ „For me, it is. The
constant control to not shoot the visor away from your eyes has it’s side
effects.” „By the way, I t’ink you
can take your visor down. I want to check somet’ing.” „What?“ Scott put his visor down
and forced himself to open his eyes. „Wow!“ „What?“ asked Gambit. „Colors!“ „Oh. Cyke, look at me.” Scott turned around from
his explorations of his surroundings and looked down at the Cajun. „Oh. Thank you.“ „What?“ „Your eyes, fearless
leader.“ „What’s wrong with them?“ „Dey’re red on black.“ „Oh.“ Gambit groaned again. „What’s wrong?“ „I’m learning why you’re
such a stick-up-the-ass all the time, Cyke. Man, my eyes hurt!” „You are doing quite
well. How come you can control it?” „Training. Charm power.“ Scott gulped. „Do I have that, too?“ „Yep. And no control over
it. Why, do ya think, am I sitting here like dis, eh?” He wobbled his drawn
up knees and shot a lopsided grin at Scott. „Eh... oops?“ Scott turned an
interesting shade of red. „How do I control it?“ „Dat’s de problem. Ya hardly can.” „What?!“ “Normally, I try to feel…
invisible, no, wrong term. I try to cage myself inside and try to broadcast
that I’m unworthy to know. Ya’ve seen how well that works.” He laughed. “And
that only works when I’m concentrating, well, now I do it rather unconscious.
Like thinking double-tracked. Perhaps that’s why I can control _your_ powers
now.” Scott gulped again. That
was how Gambit was thinking of himself all the time? Unworthy and invisible?
He hadn’t known that. Scott tried to
concentrate. Gambit rose carefully and
wrapped his coat around himself. „Dat’s better, Cyke. Not
perfect, but it should be ´nuff.“ „What now?“ „Whaddaya mean?“ „Do we tell Logan and
Bobby what happened, or what?” „I t’ink we should go
back t’ d’ mansion alone. Dey have been looking so forward to dis game, I
don’ t’ink we should interrupt dem. If I just t’ink of Bobby’s jokes about
this…” Scott shuddered with the
thought. „Okay. Then I’ll go in
and tell them we’re returning to the mansion and that they should take a cab.
And I’ll get our things.” „Cyke?“ „What?“ „Don’t forget ya’ visor.“ „Huh? Oh, yes.“ Scott shifted his visor
as he entered the bar again. Without looking around he walked over to Logan’s
and Bobby’s table. „Gambit and me are
returning to the mansion. Take a cab, okay?” Logan waved a dismissing
hand without taking his gaze away from the TV. „Thunderstorm bad?“ asked
Bobby absently. Scott looked at him in
confusion. The he remembered the pebble. „Uh, yeah.“ With his jacket and
Remy’s backpack in one hand he turned around to the bar to pay the bills. While he was waiting for
the change he sensed a hand on his thigh. A shocked look to the left showed
him the blonde from a while ago, who was now pressing herself against his
side. On his other side stood the brunette. „You want to go? What a
pity. You and your friend, you could spent a little more time with us, can’t
you? And if you don’t like it here, we could go over to our place, hm?” Scott gulped. „Eh, no, thanks, ladies,
but we have to, really have to go!” Without waiting for his
change he fled out of the bar. Harry looked confused
after him. Strange people those guys from the mansion. As the door had closed
behind him, Scott exhaled the breath that he didn’t noticed he had been
holding. Those women… perhaps Gambit had been right after all and _they_ had
started the flirtation. With a warm shudder he recognized, that he himself
couldn’t be so much despicable if they had tried to flirt with him as well. It looked as if that
charm power wasn’t sooo bad a thing after all. Scott noticed how his
mood had risen just with the thought of that. Grinning he put down the
visor and looked searchingly after Gambit. He spotted him beneath a canopy
nearby for it actually had started raining. „Gambit, I think I
understand why the women like you so much. This charm power is great!” Gambit shook his head no. „De charm power has its
shady sides, Cyke!” he warned. „What could _that_ be?“
croaked Scott. Remy started to explain,
when the shady sides became a sudden reality. A gang rather
hefty-looking bikers appeared out of a side street and parked their machines
right in front of Remy and Scott. „Shit!“ „What’s wrong, Remy?“ „Trouble!“ The men started to circle
Scott. „Who do we have here? So
alone on the streets, boy?” „What do you want?“ „Oooh! A polite one! How
cute!“ Remy had stayed calm to
welcome the gang, but they ignored him completely. They concentrated on
Scott, not him. Remy knew exactly what
would happen next. And he could only hope that Scott would realize it soon,
too. But Scott stayed polite
and tried to move out the gang’s way. Big mistake! From nowhere two hands
grabbed his arms from behind and bent them back. Other hands grabbed his body
and they started to carry him into the side street. Now Gambit started to
react. He had to find a weapon. He couldn’t use his new powers, he was too
afraid to hurt Scott. Named Scott tried to
defend himself against the hands that had now started to open his pants and
to rip his shirt to shreds. Finally it had kicked in what happened. The charm
power had stroke back. Apparently it did _not_ work only with women! With new
strength Scott tried to free his arms only succeeding in nearly dislocating
them. After a dull thud the guy
who held his arms suddenly let go. With some punches and
some more thuds, with originated from an iron pole Gambit used to lash out
they managed to keep the gang at bay. Only the warning howl of
a police siren made the gang give up. They disappeared with a loud roar of
their bikes’ motors. „Oh, boy! They... they
tried to...“ „Yes, Scott.“ „Rape...“ the last word
the leader of the X-Men only dared to whisper. He slid down the next wall to
sit in the wet ground. „Dat’s de shady side of
de charm power.“ Gambit sounded depressed.
Tired he leaned against the wall next to Scott. „Unwanted attention“, he
continued. „De charm power is hard to control, especially if one’s ill or
exhausted it’s quite impossible. Dat little bit of control I can manage today
I have paid a high price for.” Scott looked unbelieving
at Remy. “Are you saying, this happened to you as well?” Gambit moved
uncomfortably. Scott could hardly understand his next words. „When the charm power...
manifested itself, I was about seven years old.” It took a few seconds
before the implications of what Gambit had just said sunk in. „Oh, God, Remy!“ The rain started to pour
harder, but both men stayed where they where in an uncomfortable silence. After a few minutes Scott
asked: “How are your eyes?” „It’s okay, I’m used to
the constant control. At least _your_ power _is_ controllable.” Somehow Scott didn’t feel
much better with that. „Let’s go home.“ *~*~* The ride back to the
mansion had gone in silence. Remy was brooding over his past and Scott was
still trying to digest what had just happened to him. And what he had learned
about Remy. The rain was now something similar to a flood. After Scott had parked the
car and went out into the rain again something hit him and all went dark
around him, again. When he woke up this
time, he knew it better and kept his eyes shut until he managed to put on his
visor. This time it had been
Remy who had been awake first, and now he helped Scott to stand up again.
Both men where soaking wet from the cold rain. „Are ya all right, o
fearless?“ „Yes. No. I dunno. That fight... It was a dream
wasn’t it? „Don’t t’ink so, your
shirt is in pieces.“ Scott looked down and
groaned. „Uhm, Scott, the mansion
is deserted, would you like to come with me for a cup of coffee?“ Scott didn’t need long to
decide. „Yes, thanks. I don’t
know if I want to be alone with my thoughts right now. How can you stand it?” „Dunno.“ „How far can you control
that power? I mean, could something like… happen to you, too?” „I doubt it. And
concerning the control… Whaddaya feel?” Scott shot a surprised
look at the Cajun. He felt… well… in his presence. Remy was a friend. He got
on his nerves sometimes, no, make that all of the time, but just now… „I feel... secure, safe”,
he answered. Remy exhaled, as if he
had been holding his breath. „I just tried to control
de power completely”, he explained. “But dat is quite hard to do. Normally I
control it about 90%. As I do now.” Scott sensed that the
pesky feeling he had whenever Remy was around was back. Now he recognized it
as attraction to him, something he was unconsciously fighting. „And what... did I…
broadcast?” he asked. „I don’t know, ya had
about 50% of control. I guess.” Scott stammered around.
“I… would want… well…” „Ya want to know if it
was your fault. I understand, Scott.” Remy’s voice sounded soothing and Scott
felt safe and understood. „I will try to
demonstrate what ya broadcasted. I dunno if I can do it, my control is
something so natural to me, I don’t know how far I can let go…” He
concentrated. Scott felt warm. Remy was
with him, he was safe. But Remy was not nearly near enough for his complete
comfort and Scott wanted to feel him. It wasn’t wrong to feel attracted to
somebody else but Jean, to feel attracted to another X-man, to a male, to
_Remy_. Scott wanted nothing more than to kiss that man next to him, to touch
him. He looked at Remy and noticed how his body began to stir with the sight
of that tall, lean, muscular and wet body. „Remy...” His voice
sounded hoarse. Gambit opened his eyes
which he had closed for better concentration, and found himself nose to nose
with Scott Summers. He flinched and re-build his mental shields immediately. Scott managed to catch
his head, though, and kissed him hungrily on the mouth. Scott was surprised how
soft those lips where. He shoved his tongue between Remy’s lips and tried to
open the other’s mouth. To his joy the felt Remy relaxing and starting to kiss
him back. Scott pressed himself
against the hard, male body in his arms and started to pull Remy’s shirt out
to get his hands on the naked skin beneath. But now the Cajun freed himself
and pushed him back, panting. „Stop! Scott, do ya
realize what ya doing?“ Scott looked at him in
puzzlement, then his face went first pale, then dark red. „Oh, no! Remy, I’m... I’m
sorry!“ He started to move
backwards. What had he thought? „Scott! Stay, dis time it
was my fault! I should’ve paid more attention to what happened to ya.“ „I... uhm... I should go
back to the mansion, now.” Scott cleared his throat. “I think I need a cold
shower.” „Ya can shower here. I
don’t want ya to be alone with that condition you’re in.” He blushed. “Now,
dat sounded not exactly how I meant it!” Scott grinned. „I know
what you meant. And, okay, I’ll stay.” No, he really didn’t want
to be alone with his thoughts right now. On the last steps to the
boat house Scott thoughts raced around one point. „Why did you kiss me
back, Remy?“ The Cajun stopped dead in
his tracks and looked perplexed at Scott. „I felt your emotions! I
could do nothing about it!” His eyes narrowed. “Ya
haven’t noticed dat I am an empath?” „An empath?“ „Yeah. And dat doesn’t
make de charm power any easier to live with.“ „Empathy...“ Scott
stopped thinking about that new fact, standing in the rain. Remy turned around and
opened the door. He grabbed Scott’s arm and dragged him along. He signed Scott to take
his shower and searched for some dry clothes that might fit him. While he
heard the shower running he dried himself off with a towel and changed into
some pants and shirt. Then he wandered into the kitchen and prepared coffee
and some sandwiches. Scott entered a few
minutes later. „I think I did sense your
empathy. But only unconsciously. Because of the constant link to Jean I’m
used to have somebody else’s thoughts in my head.” Quietly he added: „It
would explain why I reacted so unlike me to these blonde. And to the gang.”
That last sentence was nearly inaudible. Remy patted his arm, then
gave him a mug of coffee. „Hungry?“ „Uhm, what? Oh, yes.“ „Help yaself.“ Remy
pointed his head to the plate of sandwiches he’d prepared, then grabbed one
with salad and cheese for himself and strolled into the next room to drop
into the next chair. Scott looked after him,
then grabbed the whole plate and sat down at the couch. „I think we have plenty
to talk about, Remy.“ |
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Chapter 2 Here we are now. De
fearless leader, Scott Summers, who had nearly been raped about two ‘ours
ago, and me, Remy LeBeau, to whom dat has happened more times dan he can
count. Who not even dares to t’ink about dat. T’ink about something else,
Remy! T’ink about… headaches. It’s strange, dey vanished the moment our
powers switched back. Dat means dey’re part of Scott’s powers. Merde! No
wonder dat he is such a tight-ass! Ever to be careful not’ing happens to de
visor, de responsibility for a bunch of stubborn mutants, and all dat
with dat kind of headache? I know I could not to dat! By the way, he’s
sitting dere as if not’ing has happened. How does he cope wit’ what happened?
Is it eating him up? Does he t’ink it’s his fault? ‘Ow does he feel? His
whole world just broke apart! I wished I could help ‘im. But ‘ow? I don’t
know how he feels now! I don’t know how it feels to live a normal life! Okay,
I know how it feels when everyt’ing falls apart, but not for dis reason! I
didn’t understand what dose men were going to do to me, then. I didn’t
understand it later. I only knew dat it was my fault. Does he feel the same? No.
He knows dat it was my fault, my Charm Power. My fault. How can he be so
calm? My fault! Whatever I do, I do it wrong. Oh, shit, now I am starting to
shake. Damn, Remy! Control yerself! Hands… touch me… no! Go away! Pain,
shame, damn! I don’t want to remember! Go away! Don’t wanna! Don’t... Here we are now. Remy
LeBeau, enigmatic and independent, and me, Scott Summers, his teamleader. But
am I that? After all that has happened? After Antarctica? Why did he come
back? I’m responsible. How can he trust me? How can he tolerate me here? In
his place of refuge? He has to hate me. What he has been through, why has he
told me about his past? A child in the hands of men like… Don’t think about
it, Scott! Nothing has happened to you. You got away. He has not. A child.
God! How does he cope? I have left him and he rescues me! Why? I have to help
him. But... how can I, if I can’t even face my own demons? How could I
possibly bear what he could tell me? What could have happened to me as well?
How can he live with this damned power? Everything has to remind him of his
past, every time he uses the Charm. How? How does he put it away? This lack
of control would drive me insane. To always expecting to be… used. Never to be
sure it’s me, who’s liked and not that image of me, distorted by the Charm
Power. Is that why he is such a flirt? ‘Cause he hopes that somebody somehow
will see through that image? How alone he has to be. Oh boy, I never thought
about this before. Remy LeBeau, is there anybody who knows _you_? How do you
bear your memories, all alone? Hands, touches. I don’t want to think about
it! Remy, how do you cope? I’m falling, I have no support! Help me! What… why
are you shaking? Pain? Do you remember? Can you help me? Did you only
suppress it? I want to help you! Scott? What... let go of
my hand. I want to be alone… let me… what are… you doing? I don’t want to let
go. I don’t want to cry like a baby! But exactly dat will happen if you go on
holding me like dis. Scott, let me go! Damn, Remy, just fight, push him away!
Why don’t you fight, Remy? ‘Cause it feels so good to be held. ‘Cause you
feel safe now. ‘Cause Scott understands. Scott… just hold me, ‘k? Don’t leave
me alone... not alone… Remy... come here, I need
you, I need your support. I just want to hold you, okay? No ulterior motives. You don’t fight. You understand
me, right? Don’t leave me. You are shaking so hard your teeth are chattering.
Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m here. Now, much too late, I’m here for you. I hold you
and you support me. What… tears? You suppressed it and now it’s coming back
to haunt you. The memory… I don’t know how it has been for you, but I can
guess and I’m there for you. Let go. Show me that I’m not alone. I hold you,
I hold you... Dis feels so good...
safe… Can I simply let go now? You will not change your mind, Scott? When you
finally see what you’re doing? Whom you are holding? Control your Charm
Power, LeBeau! If not you will lose everyt’ing! De safety… Shields up, it is.
Control your emotions. Control is everything. Oh, Scott, even if you push me
away now, I t’ank you! Remy, what’s wrong? You
have stopped shaking and now you’re tense. You cling to me as if your live
was depending on it and at the same time you’re so tense it has to hurt. Why?
I won’t leave you! I need you! You understand me, do you? You are my support,
here and now. Even if Jean would be here and not on Muir Island with the
others, I’m not sure she could support me like you do. „Remy, let go.“ Why did you wince? You don’t
think I… no! Stay, don’t leave me! „Stop! Not me! Please… I…
I meant your thoughts, emotions…” Come back to me, I need
you! „Remy, let go.“ Dere, here it comes, he’s
pushing me away. I knew dat would happen, so why does it hurt so much? What?
What did you say? Your hands hold me… pull me back to you… Let go of
_myself_? Scott… I don’t know if I can do dat… wit’out hurting you. Why are
you doing dis for me? ‘Let go’ you said… I… remember… You are shaking again and
you are clinging to me with all your strength. I can sense how you let
go of your emotional control, I can feel how your body cramps, I hear how
strained you breathe… and I see your tears. What shall I do now? Hold you.
Rock you. Stroke your hair like a father or mother would do. I can see you screaming
without a sound. You never had parents who held you like this, who comforted
you! Oh, Remy… I hear my voice, but I don’t know what I’m saying. Comfort,
support… I catch me kissing your forehead and your hair. And… it feels good. Normally
I would feel awfully embarrassed. But I don’t. It feels _right_. _Now_ I’m
there for you. ... I... had no idea...
it would be dis hard. De memories are tearing me apart! But now it’s better,
I feel light, dizzy, like I’m drunk. Scott? T’ank you! Scott? What are you
doing? I feel your lips on my forehead. You _kiss_ me! Oh, God, no! Dis damn
Charm Power! I must have lost control! No! Oh, God, I’m sorry! How could I… The sobs have deceased, now you are lying silently in my arms. I’m
here, Remy. You hear me? Hey! Stay! Why... panic? „Remy...?“ „Scott, I didn’t want
to...“ I don’t understand. What’s
wrong? Have I done something wrong? Why are you _afraid_ of me? „What didn’t you want?“ „De Charm... you...
kissed me! I have lost control. It’s better when you leave now, Scott.
Before… before I hurt you.” Hurt me? Charm? You think
I only comforted you because you lost control of your Charm? Damn, Remy! But
what if? Then you are a damn bad teamleader, Scott Summers! Only because he’s
male… Stop. Remy’s afraid to hurt me? „Hurt me?“ „After all dat’s happened
today you should better stay away from me and my Charm, Cyclops. You better
leave now.” Aha. Back to ‚Cyclops’,
we are. Distance. If you are crawling back into your shell, Remy, I will be
alone again. Alone with my thoughts, with my memories. „Egoist.“ That hit home. This
strange eyes, red on black, are now wide open and stare at me in utter lack
of understanding. „W... What?“ „You had your comfort.
And you needed it badly. I was there for you. And now you send me away. My
day wasn’t easy either, or did that slip your mind?” Okay. That was not nice.
Not a bit. ‚Egoist’. How right you
are, Scott. I had my comfort, my support. And now I push you away. But
actually, I want you to stay. I don’t want to be alone. Egoist, indeed. But
on the other hand… „’Ow could you possibly
want to stay? Dat whole mess was _my_ fault! All dat wouldn’t have happened
without my Charm Power. I… don’t deserve your comfort…” What will he say now? Dat
I’m right, and den he’ll leave. „As I said: Egoist!“ What? „Now you want to take all
the blame, too.” I am to blame! Damn you, Remy! If you
could, you would try to carry the sin of he whole world, wouldn’t you? And
all to… pay for that one mistake. To do penance for the Morlock massacre. Why
haven’t I seen that before? Scott, you’re an idiot! Remy’s feeling so guilty
it’s driving him mad! What else could I do wrong here? What do I do now? Even
if he’s going to kill me now… Get up, Scott. Take his hand and make him sit
down on the couch again. Talk to him. Damn Remy, stop fighting, I don’t want
to hurt you! „I wasn’t your fault,
Remy. Is wasn’t now and it wasn’t back then. Fate has played a very nasty
trick on you. But you survived. Alone and without help. Don’t you understand
me? I want to be there for you. But I need your help, too! You have survived
much worse then what I have experienced today, you know how to cope with it.” Should I say it? Yes. „Remy... I need you. Your
help and your support.” Don’t look at me as if
I’ve grown a second head. Help me! „Help me!“ Scott... needs... me? _Needs_
_me_? What shall I do now? How
could I…? Damn, I’m starting to shake again. Do what Scott has done. Just
hold him! He’s shaking. What will
you do, Remy? Please, help me. You… you hold me! Clumsy, but tight. But can I
let go, like you did? I remember... those men… I
didn’t know what they wanted to do. No, I knew it, but I didn’t want to
believe it. And when they touched me… this feeling… I was - admit it, Scott!
- aroused. But I was afraid, too. I think I only fought them ‘cause
fighting has become second nature to me. But without Remy… Am I shocked about what
would have happened to me, or about my own feelings when they held me? I
can’t sort it out! Was it me, who was aroused by the thought of… - Damn,
Scott, if you can’t even say it! – the thought of having sex with those men,
or was it just the echo of the Charm Power? The empathy? „I don’t know, Scott.
Dat’s what makes it so hard…” Oh God, did I say all
that aloud? But he understands… he holds me. But what if it wasn’t the Charm
Power? If it only freed what I could be? No! I have never thought about doing
that with a male… but what if…? Remy... The kiss, out
there in the rain... Remy’s body… I remember what it felt like to hold him…
and now I’m holding him again… and he holds me… „Remy? Are you
controlling your Charm?“ „As much as I can. Nearly
100 %” Oh. Than these are _my_
feelings... I can smell his hair, still wet from the rain, that’s his
heartbeat… and he’s so warm… Why did he ask dat? I
told him dat I don’t want to hurt him! He’s so quiet now. What are you
feeling? Should I scan him? Should I lower my empathic shields? No, I can’t
hurt him, not pysically and especially not mentally! What shall I do? Scott,
what’s wrong? Your hand on my back… are you counting my vertebrae? Or are you
stroking me? Scott? Warm… Why are you so
tense, Remy? I want you to relax, to feel well. You have gone through so many
bad things in your life and now, when I should be there for you, you’re there
for me. You restrain yourself ‘cause you worry over me. But I think I know
now that it wasn’t only the Charm Power, back at the attack. I know myself a
little better now. And I can accept it, if you help me to go through this. I
can see your pulse at your neck and I want to kiss it…kiss you… Scott! No, please! I
can’t allow dat! „Scott, don’t!“ „Remy...“ „You are not yourself. If
you go on wit’ what you’re doing, we’ll both regret it tomorrow!” Did I just admit that I
actually won’t mind? Do I mind? No… But anyway… „Scott, you’re not
yourself! Please stop!” Please, don’t stop... I don’t want to stop! „Remy, I don’t want you
to do something you don’t want to do, but I don’t know if I will ever be
brave enough to think in this way about me again! Please, help me through
this! Help me to find myself.!” He’s looking at me.
Thoughtful. Afraid? Why? He has admitted that he wants this, too! „Remy?“ „You will hate me
tomorrow.“ „Hate you? Why?“ „Because I make you
something you don’t want to be!“ „Remy...“ „No, listen to me. It
will be hard enough to go on after what has happened now. And if we…” „Remy, leave that to me.
I promise, I won’t hate you. How can I look me in the eye again, if don’t use
my maybe only chance? No, that doesn’t sound right. I don’t want to… use you.
That would be like I … as if I would do to you what…” „Scott, you _can’t_ look
yourself in the eye!“ „Huh?“ “Your visor.” “Oh. Does that mean you
agree?” „I... even if you will
hate me... mmpf!“ Kisses can even stop
Cajuns talking. *~*~* „Morning, sleepyhead!“ „Hmmmpf?“ „De rain has stopped and
de sun is shining! Scott? WAKE UP!!!” „Remy? What? Oh. That.“ Silence. „Remy?“ „What do you... t’ink?” „You want to know if I
hate you.“ „Well... yes.“ „No.“ „Uff.“ „You where still afraid
of that? After tonight?” „Well, when I was a
child...“ „Remy. I _don’t_ _hate_
_you_!” „Yes, o fearless.“ „Don’t call me that.“ „What now?“ „What do you mean?“ „Jean...“ „She... will understand.
I think she knows me much better than I do...“ „Will _she_ hate me?“ „Not if I have a
say in that!“ „Thank you.“ „Never mind.“ „But... dis will stay the
only time we...“ „I still have much to
learn...“ „What?“ „You are a very good
teacher, Remy… And I can be very curious…” „Scott?“ „Yes?“ „Does that mean...?“ „If you want to?“ „I... yes.“ „Good. Now?“ „What?! Mmmpf!“ The End. |